If you’re like me you’re trying everyday to live the best life possible.  Not just from an experiential standpoint but also from a purpose standpoint.  And for many of us an eternal standpoint.  I want to have fun, be important, matter to a few people and make an impact on people for God.  This, to me, sounds like a good life. 

Good lives are hard to pull off. 

Speaking of pulling…I took my 1 year old lab for a jog the other day.  He’s  a big dog and still a puppy, which means he ‘s still foolish but strong enough to jerk me around. 

Jogging with my dog is a pain.  Every thing that moves he thinks is worth chasing.  If a squirrel crosses the road, he lunges.  If a bug flies in front of his face, he lunges.  If we pass another jogger he wants to jump up and greet them.  He once bulldozed a little kid getting out of car on the side of the road.  I get a great shoulder workout when I take him for a jog. 

I wonder what he’s thinking when I pull him back time and time again from his pursuit of anything that moves. 

I can imagine him saying “Dude, I’m a dog.  I chase stuff.  Take this leash off of me and let me do what I do.” 

Basically he wants to experience life going after whatever his impulses tell him to go after.  And here’s the interesting part, the leash, the thing that he feels like hinders his life is actually what protects his life. 

Occasionally when we’re jogging a large city bus will come blowing by us.  It’s loud and stirs up a nice breeze.  Dogs don’t like this.  I’ve noticed that when buses pass us the dog makes a sudden move closer to me.  Almost like he’s saying “hey man, that was to close, how about tightening up on the leash.  Do you want me to get killed or what?” 

Most of the time the dog despises the leash, but when a bus passes he wants a tighter leash.  In other words, he wants the freedom to pursue his impulses and at the same time  protection from his impulses.

In this way I am like my dog.  I want a good life.  I want excitement.  I want cool experiences.  My impulses are firing constantly.  

But my impulses are dangerous.  I can’t live a good life on impulse.  Why? because if I follow through on all my impulses I will wreck my life.  I need a leash! 

Proverbs 4:4 says “Lay hold of my words with all your heart: keep my commands and you will live.” 

What commands is the Proverb speaking of? 

The Ten Commandments.  Exodus chapter 20 lays them out. 

Here they are:

1. You shall have no other gods before me
2. You shall not make an idol
3. You shall not take the Lord’s name in vain
4. Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy
5. Honor your mother and father
6. Do not murder
7. Do not commit adultery
8. Do not steal
9. Do not give false witness
10. Do not covet

They seem pretty reasonable don’t they?  But not to our impulses.  Our impulses will lunge at opportunites  to ignore these commands. 

Notice that Proverbs 4:4 says that if we keep these commands we will live.  Clearly this does not mean we will live forever.  Everyone dies, but what it means is that by living by the Ten Commandments we will learn what it truley means to live.  A life of purpose and eternal significance.

And that’s what I really want.  I want to live well, and living well means living with the leash of the Ten Commandments.  They guide me, they protect me. 

If the Ten Commandments feels like a hinderence to your impulses, you’re right, they are.  And it is the restraint that these commandments put on us that actually keeps us living.  If you ignore them you may get hit by a big bus.

I was driving this weekend listening to the Atlanta Braves on the radio.  The game was delayed for over an hour by rain.  During the delay the radio station played a tribute to Skip Caray, the long time Braves broadcaster who passed away last year. 

The tribute included many of Skip’s famous calls, clips of his humorous takes on life and baseball, and comments from many of his friends, family, former players and broadcasters.  After listening to the tribute it was clear that Skip Caray will be missed by those who loved him.

I miss him.  I didn’t think I would miss him,  but I do.  I didn’t realize how much I miss him until I heard some of his famous calls on the tribute show.  

Skip’s voice defined summers for me when I was a kid.  His voice was always a friend on long drives to the beach in the summer.  Listening to Skip was a break from life.   

What amazes me about this “missing Skip” thing is that I never knew Skip Caray.  Never met him, never shook his hand, never even saw him from across a crowded room.  How could I miss someone I did not know?  What causes a guy like me to miss a man like him?

The voice right?

No, not the voice.  

Skip’s voice was not what causes me to miss him.  I hear voices all day long of people I won’t miss. So what was it? 

It was the consistency of his voice that made the difference.  It was the fact that Skip’s voice went along with so many other events in my life.  Skip’s voice seemed to always be around.  His voice was sort of a backdrop to my life. 

I would imagine Skip had some bad days.  Days when he didn’t do his best.  Days when he felt like he let the fans down.  Days when he went home feeling frustrated. 

But the next day he was still around. 

His voice was there.

I think as a husband and a dad it’s easy to get down on myself when I don’t live up to my own expectations. When I’m not my best.  The truth is, I’m not my best very often.  That’s why they call it being your “best” right?  Because it’s better than the average you. 

The average me loses his temper,  make some bad decisions, says some hurtful things, can be pretty lazy. 

But I’m still around.  

I’m still a backdrop in my family’s life.  And I think there is real value in that. 

I pray that when my kids grow up they remember the consistency of my presence and my voice.  I want them to remember that I was there at the games and helping with math homework and loving their mom, even if I didn’t do my best all the time. 

If you, like me, get frustrated about your faulty execution in living life, take a deep breath and relax.  I’m not so sure that perfect execution is what our loved ones are looking for.  I think they’re looking mostly to see if we’re around.

What is an illusion?  An illusion is something or some state of being that we perceive to be true and real but in reality is not true or real.  

So many of us live and act based on illusion.  I struggle with this constantly.  What’s my illusion?  It’s likely the same as yours.  Don’t be offended, but it’s probably true. 

So what is our illusion?  It’s the illusion that we are in control of our lives. 

This is one of the toughest things about believing in God.  What part of my life am I in control of and what part of my life is God in control of?  When does my control end and God’s control begin?  How much effort do I have to put forth to make my life work?  When does God take over the rest? 

Every day I ask myself questions like this.   I get it that I can’t lay on my couch all day and pray to God for a good marriage, smart kids and a dog that will fetch a ball.  There is a role for me in all this. 

On the flip side, which is usually the side I hang out on, how much planning for the “unknowns” and “rainy days” can one man do?  How much stress about the future actually begins to change my future for the good?  How many self help books can I read? 

In today’s culture we have become so programed to figure life out on our own.  Go into and book store and look at all the books in the diet section, in the financial section, in the raising kids section.  Literally we could all read ourselves into the grave.  Which expert is right?  Which expert is wrong?  Who knows? 

Truth be told I think I’m an expert in running my life.  I stress out, I control, I manipulate, I justify with the best of them.  All in the name of trying desperately to make my life better.  I think I can do it.  A little more work or a little more discipline, or a little more prayer, that will get it done.  Yes that’s right, prayer can become just another one of my efforts to control.  “If I pray a little more God will work it out.”  That’s called God manipulation. 

So how do I know it’s an illusion?  Just look around you.  Do you see the results?  How do you think we as people are doing at controlling our lives?  Not so well. 

What do we do to break the illusion?  I believe the answer is to change our goal.  Most of us live with a subtle goal deep in our hearts.  It’s the goal that drives most of what we do.  We don’t broadcast it but it’s always at work.  What is this goal?  It’s the goal to produce a happy, good life.  Sounds innocent doesn’t it?  But it leads us to illusion. 

You see, the illusion is not really the problem.  The illusion is a symptom.  It’s the silent goal of self fulfilment that causes the illusion.  We try to find happiness in ourselves.  This can’t be done.  It can’t be done because we were created for something more important than our self fulfilment.  Nothing that is created can find it’s true joy in itself.  Illusion comes from trying. 

This might be a little confusing.  But it is confusing.  My deep focus on my self fulfilment is actually what creates the false illusion that I am in control.  Same for you. 

This leads me to where I am in life.  I’m in process of shifting goals.  I’m trying to begin this thing called “living with an eternal perspective.”  This is what Jesus talked about when he said something like this … (Mark 8:35)  “whoever tries to hang onto his life will lose it, but whoever is willing to lose his life will save it.” 

You see, when we get so focused on ourselves we suffer from the “it’s my life, I can control it” illusion.  The reality is, it’s my life given to me by God.  My new goal is God.  Just God.  To know him more, to impact others for him more, to enjoy him more. 

It’s amazing.  On the days that I stay focused on this goal I feel less obsessed with controlling my life.  I look for fulfilment in the greater context of God and what he is doing in my life and in the lives of those around me. 

Are you living an illusion? 

Join me in asking God to help you live with a new silent goal.   Life won’t necessarily get easier but it will get clearer.

My son is 12 years old and he is stressed.  I mean really stressed.  I don’t remember being stressed when I was 12.  Maybe I was? 

My son being stressed makes me stressed because I’m not exactly sure how to help him handle his stress.  There’s no manual out there for how to help a 12 year old handle stress.  Heck, I don’t even know how to handle my own stress most of the time.

What’s he stressed about?  He’s stressed about passing the state required tests that all fifth graders must pass in order to move on to sixth grade.  He’s a good student and a wonderful kid but he struggles in a few subjects. 

My job as a dad is to help him see the bigger picture.  Now, the easy thing to say to him would be something like; “this test is no big deal” or “it’s not that important.”  You know, totally down play it.  But that’s not true.  It is a big deal.  He needs to know that. 

I’m faced with a question as a dad.  How do I truthfully communicate to my son the importance of performing well on this test, while at the same time offering him comfort that this test will not determine the course of the rest of his life? 

It’s a tough thing becasue I want him to feel the pressure to perform but not be overcome by it. 

We were lying in bed last night and I said to him…”son, just remember, when you sit down and open up the test tomorrow tell yourself…this is not the biggest thing in my world.”  He looked over at me and said, “well what is the biggest thing in my world?”  Good response I thought.  I answered with what I believe to be true: God, family, friends.  In response he gave a half hearted “yeah, uh huh.” 

Jesus says in the Bible that if a man or women comes to him with all their pressures and stresses and worries he will give them rest (Matthew 11:28).  When Jesus made this statement he did not mean  that all of our stress will vanish into thin air.  What he meant was that even in the midst of pressure and stress we can take a deep breath and know that he is ultimately in control. 

This is good news because many times I don’t know exactly how to handle my son’s stress.  I stress about how to handle his stress.  The questions roll through my head…”What if I put to much pressure on him?  What if I take it to easy on him?”  What’s the right balance? 

I have no clue!  I just go with what I think is right at the moment and leave the rest in God’s hands.  Sometimes I have to come back and apologize for something I said.  That’s okay too.  It teaches me humility. 

As for my son, I’ll bet he’s stressed and feeling the peace of God at the same time.  That’s normal.  I’m glad he has this chance to learn what real life and real faith feels like.

This is a blog about clarity, more specifically the search for clarity. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but life is tough.  It’s just not as simple as I thought it would be when I was nine. 

My name is Brent Perkins.  I am a 36 year old husband of 14 years and the father of a 12 year old son and a 9 year old daughter.  I have a background in the financial services industry and the Marine Corp but for the past eight years have been a minister and life coach to business professionals.  I currently serve as the Director of Personal Development for a regional general contractor. 

How does one become an expert in personal development?  Answer…you don’t.  That’s what lured me out of the financial services industry into ministry and coaching. 

Here’s the best way I can explain it.  Do you ever have those times when you’re driving in your car on beautiful sunny day, listening to a great song on the radio and life just seems to be in order?  And then you notice just how dirty your windshield is.  You can’t stand for this.  You think to yourself, “This day is too good to drive with a dirty windshield.”  You instantly reach for the washer fluid button and spray blue water, or whatever that stuff is, on your windshield and watch as the view becomes much clearer. 

I love washer fluid!  If I run out, I get more as soon as possible.  I spray my windows all the time.  It is so satisfying!  It’s something I can control.  It makes me feel tidy and clean. 

I’ve had a great life.  But most of the time some facet of my life seems to be murky, not clear, just out of sorts.  This bothers me.  It bothers me because often times it’s an important part of life that gets this way.  Can you relate?  If not, that’s okay.  I tip my cap to you and say congratulations.  But if you can, this blog may interest you. 

In my late 20’s I began to read the Bible more closely, mostly motivated by seeking more clarity in my life.  I am a follower of Christ and had long been interested in how faith impacts peoples work life, social life and family life.  What I found was that the teachings of Jesus and the Bible helped me get some clarity. 

But here’s the thing, any clarity I find usually slips away.  I have to keep going back to Jesus and his teaching to get clarity.  I’m not an expert.  An expert is someone who has mastered something.  That’s not me.  But I have discovered how to look for clarity and actually find it every now and then.  My passion is helping others learn how to get more clarity in all areas of life. 

My hope is that this blog will serve as a “washer fluid” for you as you seek to find clarity in life.  I’ll base these entries on my life and my struggles and my experiences.  You’ll see quickly that I’m no expert. 

Last night I was faced with a tough decision.   

My wife was out with her girl friends at wine club.  Yes, wine club! One should be so lucky as to be invited into a wine club one day.  It sounds so elite.  Anyway, I was left to handle the nightly grind.   

I was tired from a long day.  I did math problems with my daughter for an hour.  I endured the pain of listening to my son practice guitar.  I cooked dinner and I played with the dog, mostly out of guilt that I don’t pay enough attention to him.  I was pretty drained.   

Then came my decision.  The sink was full of dirty dishes.  “No problem” I thought, “I’ll clean these right up so my wine drinking wife doesn’t have to stoop to the level of cleaning dishes after a glamorous night at wine club.”  The pile was big but I psyched myself up for it.  I scrubbed the first plate clean as a whistle, because my wife makes me wash the dishes before I put them in the dish washer.  Seems redundant to me, but nevertheless I do it.  I reached down and opened the dish washer only to discover that it was full. 

You would have thought I had just seen Michael Myers staring at me through my kitchen window.  In my world washing dishes is one thing but emptying the dish washer is  a completely different ball game.  I hate unloading the dish washer is because it makes me feel dumb.  Dumb, because I don’t know where half the stuff goes.  It seems I can’t ever find the right place to put the wine glasses or the pear knife or the serving fork.   

I literally thought for a moment about stopping the whole process.  “Leigh won’t really care if she has to clean these dishes tomorrow,” I told myself.  “She is out drinking wine tonight and I’m here playing math tutor.”  “I deserve to take a break.”   

But then I thought about servant-hood.  Not servant-hood like slavery, but servant hood like going the extra step for someone.  I thought about the story in the Bible where Jesus washes His disciples feet and then tells them that those who serve are the greatest in His kingdom.   

So I did it.  Not because I wanted to, and not because I felt guilty, but because I was inspired by the example of Christ.   

My wife called me today at work.  I was hoping that she would say, “you’re so sweet for unloading the dish washer and cleaning the dishes,” but she didn’t.  And that’s okay.  It’s okay because real servant-hood doesn’t demand recognition.  Real servant-hood comes from a heart of love and sacrifice.    

Next time you’re faced with a full dish washer, unload it.  But do it out of spirit of servant-hood.  Not because you want to, not because you feel guilty but because you’re inspired by someone who was a master servant.